I know

When thoughts kick their way into my head

At 3:07 am

A time-lapse of us, of what we were, flashes

And I don’t know what’s more powerful,

The beautiful memories, or the painful goodbye

…

I end up shedding a tear for you before promising

That I’d never cry over you again

…

I’ve only broken my promises ever since

…

I knew I lost you when your “goodnight”s came at

‘pm’ instead of ‘am’

When you were not necessarily peacefully sleeping

Like I watched you do so many times before

But have given up on trying to find words to say

To me

I seriously thought we’d never run out of words

…

I knew I lost you when ‘love’ was said out of habit

And not out of emotion,

When your eyes stopped smiling at the mention of it

And when you were too busy saying it

To the person replacing me

I really thought I was a ‘one-of-a-kind’

…

I knew I lost you when I disappointed you,

When I thought I was a hero,

But turned out to be a mere villain in a

Bigger story

That never included me

I honestly thought I ‘belonged’

…

I knew I lost you when you saw someone else

In me

Seeing that look in your eyes,

That look of disappointment,

Anger,

Disgust,

That broke me.

I thought wrong.

…

I knew I lost you…

Not when my heart broke,

But when you heard the sound of it breaking,

And you heard your name being screamed loud,

And you decided not to turn back…

Like you always did before.

This is where I knew for sure.

…

What shames me the most is that

I know

If you call me at 3:07 am

I’d pick up,

And pretend that all is ok.

…

I knew I’d lose myself when I met you.